http://www.kiva.org/


These last few months have been a challenge. It caused me to make sure I not look at myself with a dire perspective. This website was introduced to me when I least expected it. It brings me humility.

Lately, it seems to be a revelation to me. I am trying to avoid the opposite creature completely. I don't know is it because of the complexity the drama hence forth I have to encounter. Are Asian men that much of a repulsive human brand of species, where we are driving all of the opposite to the white men. Welcome to dark side does not apply in this case.

Drowning to escape, do we want to? 

I asked myself, what if, if I were. The truth, with my understanding of my needs. I sound like a life sucking creature.  It is always eluding, a ghost, perhaps perception is not a concert of words and symbolism. I had a discussion with a long time sexy fiend. It is questionable what matters between the two of us. Perhaps an understanding finally comes to tangible terms. Am I speaking in codes? Random assessment, beautiful is abonxious. In the dreams...

a revisit to an old closet

Tomorrow I think I want to revisit this story, " Red Shoe Diaries"...

Who are the ladies? 

This is an exotic being who has been in my radar for a few years. Perahps this is the answer of my own conundrum. However, I think I still have a few days left in me, but who am I to say. Who is to be the judge, one life is more valuable than the other. Who is to say you plan for your death, when it was a vacation of Mumbai?

The following is a quote from her. Her name is Amy. Who is to say, she is true, or perhaps money could buy you love. 

I know that no matter how hard I try, it may not be easy for you to trust me, especially because you are encountering me here in my "secret life" as an elite companion - but I know you will understand that it can be different with ONE very special woman. I hope you can see and appreciate my longing and my dreams and understand my heart. I am a thoroughly responsible and ultra-discreet woman. I would never break anyone’s trust, ever. I give you my vow and I will always keep it, my dear friend. I’m sure you’d agree that life is short, there is nothing wrong with looking for true love and happiness in this life - wherever I may find it - right?

I don't think my yearning for true love holds any shame. You have no idea how hard it is for me to venture this; it takes tremendous courage and all the dignity I can muster to tell people that I'm looking for love on this site. Life is short, I do not want to be single for the rest of my life and I do not want to spend the rest of my days without a loving partner. I want to be very honest and tell what my innermost longing: Yes, I AM A WOMAN WHO'S LOOKING FOR LOVE. Life is unfair sometimes but what can you do? So I believe that tomorrow will be better, and it is that faith that gives me the strength to put on a smile on my face and in my heart each and every day, even though I have experienced so many difficulties in my life. I have worked hard and fought through my misfortunes and I feel that I have gotten stronger and wiser every day. So please respect my positive outlook of this life, and please, do not think any less of me for unburdening myself to you.

12/1

The beginning of the end. The beginning of December, and the last month of the year. Where does time go? If time is ever tangible, would I find it being recycled somewhere in a black hole. I am going to keep this short tonight. Wondering thoughts I have, unsettled, I don't like Christmas. 

Question for the masses or myself

You have one more day to live, who would you spend it with?

The conventional, or the masses, would conclude family members or love ones. Let’s just take the love ones, and asked, beyond family members, what if you have never been touched by love? How would you translate the understanding of missing something where you never experienced? If I were to surmise myself to one who is fabricated, would it be just the same? What is the price for love? What is love? I subscribed to the Google love quote of the day, and today’s quote was, “It's not that I can't live without you...it's just that I don't even want to try.” How relevant is it? Coming back to fabrication of love, how much would you pay? Is there someone, her soul occupation is to put forward to someone, the tenderness of love.

11/30/2008